I'd like to state that today's blog was not inspired by a specific person, place or event. I am just writing this in response to a general feeling I get from our parenting culture as a whole.
Maybe it's cause I am a mother of two rowdy yet wonderful boys, or that my husband is a preacher and we are to some extent in the public eye, or because I am just plain human; I worry if my kids will behave well in public. I know I'm not alone in this. I have seen frazzled and embarrassed mommas at church and in the grocery store. I have seen mommas cringe at unsolicited advice and make a beeline out of where ever they are to deal with the tantrum in private. Away from prying eyes and the judgement and mental "tisk tisk" that goes with it. I know this cause I have been there.
My youngest is strong willed, sweet, stubborn and one of the most loving kids in the world. I'm told he is a lot like me. I too am stubborn and for some reason sometimes I just enjoy a good argument. So the fact that I have a little firecracker isn't too surprising.
Our goal should not be to just have well behaved children. What? I can hear the outrage now. You don't think people should strive to have well behaved children? Okay, not exactly what I said. I would absolutely love it if my boys were always well behaved. At home and in public. But they are not going to be. And if I measure my success as a parent on only that variable, then I am always going to feel like a failure, and my kids are gonna be super stressed. So what exactly am I saying?
It is all in the perspective. The big picture. My goal is for my boys to grow up to be strong Christian men who lead their families with love, strength and faith in Christ Jesus. And it takes a lot to get them there. A ton of little lessons spurred by mistakes and temper tantrums. A million opportunities to teach, correct and to show mercy. Just as Christ teaches, corrects and shows us mercy. And just as we are not perfect as adults, they can not be perfect as children. But we sometimes put this pressure on ourselves. And the results are usually isolating and frustrating to say the least. But what can we do? We can use every fit, kick and yell to teach the Godly characteristics we so desire in them. And we can keep the situation in perspective.
So I am definitely not saying to let your kids do whatever they want. Or not to teach them. But I am saying not to freak out about every misbehavior so much. They are an opportunity to teach. They are normal. So my goal isn't to have just well behaved children. That will come in time, and in different time frames for each child. My goal have a confident, loving and Godly adult.
So how can you help me? By being patient with me and my kids as we learn and grow. By offering support instead of criticisms. Encouragement instead of exasperation. And you know what? I am going to try my hardest to do it for you. Because we are not in competition with each other, not if we truly desire to put on Christ's love.
Let's get them to the end goal together.
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